Today's post is from a good friend of mine!!
An amazing young woman of God that I love dearly!!
Melissa and I both serve in ministries together and have also gone on a mission trip together.
Over the past couple of years we have got to know each other more and really speak into one another's lives.
Please join me in welcoming this beautiful woman to her first (and probably not last!) blog
post at Love of Poppys!!!
“Melissa you are such a nice person”,"Melissa you have such
a beautiful smile.” ”Melissa you do such a good job. You’re awesome.” “Melissa
your hair looks great. You are looking really pretty today.”
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of compliments like these for
example when I’m at work and from some of my friends. It always feels good when
someone compliments you. It’s nice to hear those things. It makes you feel good
about yourself and can boost your attitude.But for someone like me who has struggled for so long with
self-confidence, you can unknowingly become self-reliant on others’ compliments
and thoughts about you; whether it’s your looks, your character, or your work
ethic.
What happens when you have made it a
necessity to hear these things, not from God, but from people in order to feel
worthy, to feel good about yourself, or to feel like you matter?
Don’t get me wrong
there is nothing wrong, with compliments and receiving them but for myself
personally, I’ve noticed that even when I know I’m doing my best at work, I
don’t feel like I am until someone says something about my work ethic, or I
don’t feel like I’m as nice of a person unless someone at some point in my day
tells me that. It gets to the point where I become almost needy of affirmation
from others. I must feel validated.
What does validation mean?
Validation means to
recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of.
Only by what people say, can my worthiness be real. My
feelings of worth and importance I had let hang on the words of others and not
what God has already confirmed and affirmed through His words that have existed
way before I was formed. When I realized
this is what I have been doing for many years now. I really began to cry out to
God. Now I knew where my battle of low self-esteem was rooted in. Now I knew
why I so struggle with being confident in myself and allowing fear of rejection
and failure cause me to miss out on so much.
I realized I had put my worth and identity into the wrong
things.
What are some
possible dangers of needing constant validation?
1. You can hinder your fruit.
Galatians 5:22-23 [NKJV]But the fruit of the
Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for
others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act
while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Against such things there is no law.
Without proper
confidence in the Spirit God has placed in us we can hinder the genuineness of
our fruit. We are called to bear fruit, the fruit of the Spirit. Not just for
ourselves but for others. Are we doing things because we are allowing it to
flow naturally from within us or just so that someone else can notice? Ask God
to reveal your motives so that you can genuinely reciprocate love, joy,
kindness, patience, etc. and allow others to be blessed by it.
2. Any Word you receive doesn't take root.
· Because of such low-self esteem or confidence,
the negative side of that is that you have a hard time receiving positive
things from people. It only lasts for a short time and then you are back to
feeling rushed with negative feelings about yourself. Bad situations can come
in and totally affect you, have control over your attitude, and make you feel
worse.
3. You take advantage of fellowship
and abuse those relationships with your brothers and sisters in Christ
Hebrews 10:24-25
[NKJV] And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,
not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some,
but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
· Time spent with the fellow believers can, as
the above scripture says, be used to stir up love, good works, and exhorting
one another. Having a constant need to be validated can interrupt what
fellowship is for. Instead of about the WE, you want the focus to be mostly on
Y-O-U. Any time you are with others, you don't feel attached and close to them
unless they are focused on your situation, your problems, your victories, etc.
But what are you doing to feed in to them, to add value to their life? You limit
the beauty and essence of being with the brethren.
What are some way
we can approach this issue?
1. Redirect your focus
· Instead of focusing so much on your weaknesses
and what you feel you're not comfortable with about yourself, start focusing on
what God has affirmed in you through His Word. He loves you, thinks so much of
you. The God of creation created you with purpose. Find your identity in Christ
and what awaits you is a journey of being found complete in God and God alone.
Begin to use scriptures to meditate on that allow you to declare and affirm
what God has said about you.
Ex.
Romans 15:7 (NIV)
7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ
accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Colossians 2:9-10 (NKJV)
9 For in Him dwells all the fullness of the
Godhead bodily; 10 and you are complete in Him, who
is the head of all principality and power.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in
Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away;
behold, all things have become new.
2. Serve Others
· One thing that always helps you feel good is when
you allow yourself to serve someone else. They need you just as much as you
need them. It will take the focus off of
you and place it on someone else for a change. As believers, it is what we are
called to do after all.
[Some examples: Text or call someone with something
encouraging. Write a nice note for a friend or co-worker. Buy lunch for
someone. Ask someone is there anything you can pray for them about.]
Now you will be reciprocating love to your
brothers and sisters in Christ and sharing in their cares and burdens.
Galatians
6:9-10 (NKJV)
9
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if
we do not lose heart. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to
all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Ecclesiastes
4:9-10 (NKJV)
9 Two are better than
one,
Because they have a
good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall,
one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is
alone when he falls,
For he has no one to
help him up.
3. Pray and Rest in God
Psalm 55:22 (NKJV)
22 Cast your burden on
the Lord,
And He shall sustain
you;
He shall never permit
the righteous to be moved.
·
God cares for you. What concerns you, concerns
Him. So if you are struggling with this like I am, give it to God. It is not
going to be an easy task so prepare for warfare. 2 Corinthians 10:4 says that
the weapons we use are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down such
strongholds as this one. Every thought of unworthiness, low self-esteem, fear,
condemnation shall be brought captive under the power and knowledge of Christ,
in Jesus Name.
Heavenly Father, I thank you that we do not have to be
trapped by the world’s standards of what is good but we can now stand in
confidence that following Christ will reveal to us your good, perfect and
acceptable will for our lives. You have already affirmed how worthy and how
loved we are by you giving your only Son to die for our sins that we might be
called your sons and daughters. The same power that raised Christ from the
dead, lives inside of us. Help us
believe today that power is sufficient now as it was 2,000 years ago to free us
to live confident, loved, and worthy in Christ. Amen.
Let’s continue this journey of freedom and affirming our
Identity in Christ our Savior.
With
Love,
Melissa
Hayes
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