The Unfailing Love of a Good Good Father

There are two things that I think God so

desperately wants for us to have.

Relationship and Identity

God created us for relationship

with Him and I believe more than

anything He wants us to be able to stand 

boldly and confidently in who we are in Him.

When I was 19, I walked away from God.

I will never forget the day when I was hurting so 

badly from the circumstances in life and feeling

like I would never be able to be what He wanted me to 

be that I said, "I can't do this.  I can't be this person.

It's impossible.  So I'm letting you go."

And I mentally pushed him to the back burner of my

heart and for the next 2 1/2 years I turned away.

I lived life very selfishly.  

It was a huge time of growth for me as a person.

Yet I had no identity at all.

I didn't really know who I was.

I enjoyed worldly "fun" and lived weekend to 

weekend with no goals, ambition, or passion.

During this time, I met my future husband.  

We dated, got engaged, got married....

but shortly after we got married the war within

my heart completely unfolded.

You see those 2 years that I had turned my back on God,

He never turned His on me.

There would be nights I would cry myself to 

sleep because I missed Him yet I knew I couldn't 

live the way that the "church" 

led me to think I had to live to be loved and 

accepted by Him.

The doctrine that I had been raised on was 

completely void of Grace.

Back to the war....

I remember January 1, 2008 I was in my kitchen

in our little home and while doing dishes I had some 

Skillet playing and I said "Ok, God.  I am trying."

This was the beginning......

In February, Mike and I found out we were expecting our 

first child!!!  We went through the shock, then settled into 

planning for our future, then the excitement of having a baby 

sank in and then we lost it.

We lost our first child to a miscarriage.

I was extremely confused.

I was in the most agonizing pain I have ever been in.

I thought God was mad at me and was getting revenge on me

for those two years that I forsook him.

At this point, I still did not know who I was.

I have never been broken in the way that losing our first baby 

broke me.  I cried for two months straight.

But I had an amazing woman of God that had sown into me

for those 2 rebellious years of my life there to comfort me,

to speak Truth in Love.

And I knew I needed healing from The Healer and there was 

no way I could obtain this on my own.

So I surrendered.......

God doesn't just DO things,

He does things EXTRAORDINARILY!!

He does things in such a way that maybe in the midst

of it you don't recognize Him;

but when you look back on it you see "Yes, that was

God.  Yes, that was God.  Yes, that was God."

Even though I chose to walk away from Him at that point, 

I can see God's hand was still orchestrating

things in my life, still protecting me, still working in 

a way that in the end it would all be good because my heart

loved Him more than anything even when my head thought

I wasn't good enough for Him. 

He placed a seal on my soul the day I gave my life 

to Him as a little 8 year old girl!  

There is nothing I can do that will separate me from His love!!!

What an EXTRAORDINARY Father!!!! 

That was 8 years ago this month.

It has been a battle! But each and every day

I choose to go to Him.  I choose to seek out His

will for my life.  I choose to follow.  I choose to love

and serve.  I choose to let my voice be heard because

He has given it to me.  He has set me apart and here

for such a time as this.

What a good good Father we have!!!

I pray every person who reads this has such a 

fresh revelation of God's love for them just poured out into

their spirit right now.

Amen!!!