Finding Me In A World Full of Mommy Guilt

If you're a mom, then you've done it.

You've had that inevitable case of Mommy Guilt.

My husband had planned this amazing trip for us for my birthday this year.

Sadly, getting a sitter and everything set up for our children

as well as other circumstances hindered us from being able to go.

And I.WAS.CRUSHED!!!

My heart was broken.

See, I had just spent all summer....

ALL EXCRUCIATINGLY HOT summer with my three kids at home.

No trips to the beach, very few play dates,

and on top of it all my daughter had to have her tonsils taken 

out.

Also, before summer even started, 

I quit my job to stay home and home school

Kaleb, our little boy who has autism.

So I was craving and NEEDING this break away.

I don't feel like needing is a strong enough word.

I believe I told my husband something along the lines of

"If I do not get to get away for some sort of break,

then I am going to be the one breaking."

Dramatic....

....maybe...

Say what you want.

I have only had that feeling twice in my life and they have both been 

this year.

First, when I knew preschool was not working out for Kaleb

back in February and I (along with everyone else) was

just worn out from trying to make it work.

And then this instance where beautifully laid plans were made 

and fell through.

My wonderful husband responded by saying,

"You go somewhere. Go alone.  I will keep the kids.

Just go and relax and regroup and we will be here when you come home."

In case you didn't know this already,

I adore my husband.

He is the most considerate, giving,

compassionate man I know.

He knows what I need before I even do most of the time.

Then he waits ever so patiently while I get to the place 

of realizing that he is exactly right.

So I did.

I left.

BY MYSELF!!!

For the first time ever.

And let me just stop here and say,

I will be doing it again!!!

I had no idea how much I needed to get away,

to go and sit, alone, in the quiet.

To go to a restaurant and look at a menu and 

choose what *I* want to eat without having to think about 

ordering for three other people.

To sit and read and pray and spend time with God

without having to "squeeze" it in between

preparing meals and doing laundry and 

shuttling from one appointment to another.

Time stood still for one day....

for me.

And it was exactly what I needed.

You see,

we live in a world SATURATED with guilt and shame.

Especially us moms.

The past couple of years, 

I have struggled with so much Mommy Guilt.

Feeling like all of my energy gets poured into the one with 

special needs while the other two float by the wayside.

How maybe I should be more active in one's school activities

yet I was working and trying to get two other's settled in their own schools.

Or what if all of this time and research and fight for my beloved Kaleb

has been in vain.

Tons and tons of Mommy Guilt.

But I've also received Mommy shame from others:

"If you know he is like this then why wont you medicate? 

What will it take for you to finally medicate him?"

"Well I bet she would like to do girly things,

she does have two brothers, you know.

She needs a break"

"All he needs is a good butt whoopin'. 

I bet he would straighten up then."

How unfair is it to judge someone's situation when you 

are not the one walking in it.

But you know what,

we all do that as well.

What has brought me great freedom is the verse that says,

"There is now therefore no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus,

who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit."

Romans 8:1

How amazing is that?!

We, who believe, are all placed in Jesus so

there is no condemnation in Him.

He is not condemning me for my shortcomings.

He is not shaming me for the choices that I make.

But when we walk in the flesh,

we lose sight of the amazing freedom and grace we have been 

given by being placed in Him.

When we walk in the Spirit,

we access that freedom and grace fully and

there is absolutely NO condemnation.

How awesome!!

All guilt and shame melts away in His Presence.

Because in His Presence is freedom, peace, hope and joy

to overcome all!!

So I will do me,

without guilt,

and ignoring any shame.

I will take a break,

so I can re-energize and give my children

the best of me.

I will take care of myself without constantly

pushing myself to the back burner when things 

get crazy.

I will not allow all of the "demands" and pressure to be a perfect mom

to cloud my perspective on what I am doing right.

I will allow my weaknesses to be seen

because in my weakness,

He makes me strong.

We, as moms, have been given such
an incredible privilege.
I am so excited about what our children are going to walk in.
So much freedom and authority in Him.
It is absolutely mind blowing!!

But we have to realize that it is okay to take
time for ourselves.
It's not selfish.
It's not rude.
It's not inconvenient.

It is wise.
It is needed.
And it will bring good to you and
your children!!!

NO CONDEMNATION IN HIM!!!!

Fruit Is Not Born Out Of Obligation

This is a season of change for me

as I mentioned in last week's post .

I honestly feel like this entire year has been a year of change,

a year of letting go.

And it has been SO heartbreaking for me.

I laid my job down to take care of my special needs son 

(as i mentioned here),

I have let go of any control that I thought I may have had

(who am I kidding?!, control?!!! really?!!),

and I have stepped down from the ministries that I was involved in.

For the past 10 months,

there has been one word that has resonated so loudly in my spirit,

SURRENDER.

Oh, to get to that place of total and complete surrender in Him.

It requires us to let go of everything!!!! 

Especially our desire to control and expect things.

Our expectancy should lie in Him and Him alone,

not in our power or ability to make things turn out a certain way.

Oftentimes, expectations are put upon us....

as we also put expectations on others.

And we put on this backpack of expectations and continue to walk through life,

and each day, more expectations are added into that backpack until eventually

we cannot carry it.

Unnecessary expectations turn into obligations.

And fruit is not born out of obligation.

Love is not born out of obligation.

Joy is not born out of obligation.

Peace is not born out of obligation.

Long-suffering is not born out of obligation.

Kindness is not born out of obligation.

Goodness, Faithfulness, and Gentleness 

is not born out of obligation.

Self control is not born out of obligation.

We hold on so tightly thinking we are doing what's honorable and right

when in reality,

it is not what God is requiring of us 

and we are stunting our own growth.

But fulfilling what He is wanting to do and where He wants us to go

should flow out of us naturally.

There is a time and a season to let go and walk away.

Because He can't do anything new if we are holding on to the old.

The biggest thing standing between you and your purpose and destiny is

YOU!!

It's not the wrongs that have been done against you.
It's not the pain you've experienced.
And it's not other people.

We are the biggest obstacle standing in God's way of fulfilling His plans for our lives.

Fruit is not born out of obligation

but it is born out of complete surrender to Him

and total dependency on the Holy Spirit.

As uncomfortable as this has been for me,

I KNOW He is faithful.

I KNOW He won't leave me.

I KNOW He has good in store.

And I CHOOSE to hold on to the promises

that He has spoken over my life.

This is not the end,

quite the opposite.

He is beginning a new thing.

Once we let go,

then He has full reign to move, shake, align

and so perfectly put together exactly what 

He has in store for this next season.

Trust Me

The most common phrase I hear from the Holy Spirit is 

"Trust Me".

This happens often as I get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle,

find myself overly concerned about something,

or when my focus gets off of Him and on my

own vain attempt at doing it myself.

Sometimes its a firm

"Trust Me"

and sometimes its the gentle blowing of the sweet words

"Trust Me".

But each time it's a reminder that I don't have to go at anything alone!!!

What does trust really mean?

Merriam-Webster defines trust as the belief that someone

or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

There are quite a few Hebrew words that translate to trust.
Here are the ones that stuck out to me the most.

*Chasah-to lean on someone or something,.

*Betach-to cling,

*Yachal-to hope (as in to "know" something will

happen in the future)

and

*Aman-to be firm.

When I saw these Hebrew words and their definitions,

it completely changed my perspective of trusting Him.

It's so much more than saying "I trust You, Lord.',

which I do often.

But it is an action as well.

When the Holy Spirit says, "Trust Me",

I am to lean on Him,

To cling to Him,

To put my hope in Him,

and to stand firm in Him.

It means I will actively choose to lean, cling, 

hope and stand firm in Him.

So the next time that you hear the Holy Spirit whispering those two words to you,

or when you declare "I trust You, Lord.",

know that it is so much more!!!

It's an action!!!

I'm Letting Go.....

Have you ever struggled letting go?

You knew what you were holding onto wasn't healthy or edifying.

Or God just had something better for you if only you would

take that first step.

Change is painful

Change is uncomfortable.

Change is inevitable.

But there is One who never changes!

Who is the same yesterday, today and forever!

Who is steadfast and passionate in His love 

and affection for us.

Amen!!!

When I feel in my spirit that change is coming,

I do three things.

1-I take a step back and ask the Holy Spirit to let me 

see things differently.

"What does God want to do here?"

"What are His promises over my life?"

"How can I allow Him to prepare my heart for this

next season?"

2-Pray.  

I give thanks over where I am and where I am 

about to go.

3.I remind myself,

"Whatever You have for me Lord,

I choose."

I want to intentionally choose to follow what He 

has brought me to each and every day.

None of this catches Him by surprise.

He knew about this long before I was ever born.

And by Him knowing, 

means He has already prepared a way through it!!!

So let it go and trust Him!

Living Life in a Fish Bowl

In life we go through times where we think,

"Oh I wasn't good enough to do this."

"If only I had more money then I would be accepted by them."

"My name never gets called, I just have really bad luck."

Don't we all, at some point, 

find ourselves thinking that we are just the luck of the draw?

Even in our walk with Christ, 

we look around and see people stepping into their 

purpose and destiny.

Yet,

we are sitting.....

waiting.....

wondering,

"God, when will it be my turn?

When will you draw my name out of the 

big fish bowl in Heaven and let me step 

into what you have for me?"

Well....

for 1-

God does not have a big fish bowl in Heaven...

randomly drawing out who will be the next great

megaphone to declare the Good News all over the world.

That doesn't sound like a very loving God to me.

And 2-

Romans 8:29 says,

"For God knew His people in advance,

and He chose them to become like His Son."

verse 30 goes on to say,

"and having chosen them, he called them,

he called them to come to him.

And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself.

And having given them right standing,

he gave them his glory." (NLT)

There is so much we could unfold from those two verses alone.

But what I want to focus on right now is in verse 29

it says,

"For God knew His people in advance."

I have read some translations that say 

"He predestined."

He predestined us;

you and I,

to be like Jesus.

Before the foundation of the world,

Before He separated light from the darkness,

Before He created night and day,

Before He created the land and seas,

the grass and the trees,

Before He made the sun and the moon and the stars,

Before He created living creatures to inhabit the Earth,

Before He created Adam.....

He knew us and predestined us to be like Jesus!!!

Jeremiah 1:5 says,

"I knew you before I formed you in your 

mother's womb."

How amazing is that?!

I remember when I had each one of my children,

I would just sit and stare at them endlessly.

There was something about knowing they had been

in such a pure, living, breathing, 

unhindered and untainted by this world

relationship with God just days or months before

they were born.

They were with Him face to face!!

They heard Him laugh!!

They heard His declarations and promises 

for their lives before they were even revealed to me!!!

God didn't do this with just my children.

This happened to each and every one of you.

He knew you!!!

He predestined you to be like His Son!!!

How do we be like Jesus?!

-We totally and completely rely on God

and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us every single day.

The Bible says Jesus only did what He saw the Father do.

He would only say what He heard Him speak.

That is being completely reliant on our Father.

-We must love.

There is all kind of mess going on in the world 

right now.

Terrorist acts, political agendas and the election year,

things that we may not agree with and that are super

confusing being forced upon us.

But in the midst of all of the chaos and hate,

we are called to love!

Mark 12:30-31 says,

"And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart,

all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.

The second is equally important;

'Love your neighbor as yourself.''

We are not called to conform--not at all.

But we are called to love.

Know that God did not create you randomly

or without thought and care.

Know He didn't pick you randomly out of a bowl of others.

He was so intentional in creating you,

in placing the perfect purpose for your life within you.

He is a God of such detail when it comes to 

His sons and daughters. 

He knew you and predestined you to be like His Son

before this world was ever formed!!!

So step out of your fish bowl

and go show the world Jesus!!!

-Amen!!

Your Sins Are Forgiven You

Over the past few weeks, my Pastor has been doing a series called

"Exposing Myths Heard in the Church".

He is going through many myths that we have heard for years

and showing how they are not found in the Bible and 

what Jesus did when He came.

It has been SO amazing at the freedom and revelation 

that has been brought to light

and the years of such misleading, wrong doctrine being broken down.

I am not going to write about what he is teaching us, verbatim, 

but about one bit of revelation that has just sparked

something inside of my heart.

In Luke 5 we read about a story of a 

paralytic man who is healed by Jesus.

Read with me:

17 Now it happened on a certain day, as He was teaching, that there were Pharisees and teachers of the law sitting by, who had come out of every town of Galilee, Judea, and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was present to heal them. 18 Then behold, men brought on a bed a man who was paralyzed, whom they sought to bring in and lay before Him. 19 And when they could not find how they might bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the housetop and let him down with his bed through the tiling into the midst before Jesus.

20 When He saw their faith, He said to him, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.”

21 And the scribes and the Pharisees began to reason, saying, “Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

22 But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, He answered and said to them, “Why are you reasoning in your hearts? 23 Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Rise up and walk’? 24 But that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins”—He said to the man who was paralyzed, “I say to you, arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.”

25 Immediately he rose up before them, took up what he had been lying on, and departed to his own house, glorifying God. 26 And they were all amazed, and they glorified God and were filled with fear, saying, “We have seen strange things today!”

This paralytic man had friends with great faith!!

These men believed that if they could just get their friend to Jesus then

He would heal him.

They come to the building where Jesus is but it is so crowded that 

there is no way they can get their friend on his bed through to the Healer.

So instead these men improvised.

I love how they didn't give up!!

They just KNEW the power Jesus had.

The men went to the roof and started removing some 

of the tiles to make a hole.

Then they lowered their friend down to Jesus.

Now I would have loved to have seen this first hand.

I mean really!!

Think about it,

you are in the middle of listening to the Messiah speaking

and you start to hear banging and dust and rubble starts falling from the 

ceiling and all of a sudden a man is being lowered from above down

to Jesus.

There is no telling what was running through the minds of every person

there when this was happening.

Ok,

back on track. ;)

It says,

"When He saw their faith, He said to him, 

"Man, your sins are forgiven you."

Isn't it interesting how Jesus didn't ask him what the problem was.

He didn't ask them what they wanted Him to do.

In fact,

Jesus didn't even address the elephant in the room!!!!,

that this man was paralyzed.

No!!!

The first thing He did was say to the paralytic man,

"Man, your sins are forgiven you."

Immediately the scribes and Pharisees get their panties in a wad.

Isn't that like the modern day church?!

When God does something that doesn't fit into the "norm"

they start speaking against it and declaring "This can't be God!"

But Jesus, perceiving their hearts, says,

"Why are you reasoning in your hearts? Which is easier to say,

'Your sins are forgiven you?' or 'Rise up and walk?'

In the Old Covenant, 

forgiveness came once a year and it was by the 

shedding of blood from a pure spotless animal.

These teachers of the law could not

understand how a "man" could forgive another 

of their sins.

But they did not know or recognize in whom's presence they 

were standing!!!

They were in front of the One who is pure and spotless

that would shed his blood once and 

for all for the sins of the world.

Jesus continues to say,

"But that you may know the Son of Man has power on Earth to forgive sins"-

He said to the man who was paralyzed,

"I say to you, arise, take up your bed and go to your house."

Immediately, he rose up before them, took up what he had been lying on,

and departed to his own house glorifying God."

Jesus came and paid the ultimate price for our unrighteousness.

When He poured out His blood on that cross over 2,000 years ago,

He paid for our past, our present and our future sins.

Over 2,000 years ago when He did this, 

every one of our sins were future sins!!!

Know that your identity is no longer a sinner once you have 

put your trust in Him!!

You are a saint!

You are His beloved!

You are His righteousness!!!

No sin you may commit can separate you from His love.

The only thing that can separate you from Him is choosing 

not to believe.....

THAT'S IT!

To each saint and each sinner,

know that 

YOUR SINS HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN YOU!!!!

2,000 years ago He forgave you for what you would do!!

You have been forgiven!!!

All you have to do is accept this amazing gift of Grace that 

He poured out for all of us!

-Amen!!!

When the Spirit is Silent

Lately I have been going through a quiet season.

My husband teases me because I talk about everything being a season.

Well, it really is.

Life is one big collaboration of ever changing seasons,

some just last longer than others.

But the past few weeks, it has been one of those seasons 

where you can feel alone,

even though you are never alone and God is never far from you 

because He placed you inside Christ whenever you gave your life to Him.

It's just been quiet and calm and .....is that birds chirping that I hear?!!!

I got on this morning planning on sharing a tidbit on Change

but not one fiber of my being felt that that was appropriate 

with where I am right now.  

(But that post will come and is 

SO encouraging!!!)

I have very mixed feelings about silence.

Our home is a very LOUD place!!

3 kids, 

one who hates loud noises yet 

is the loudest person I have ever met,

2 dogs, some pigs and chickens and a goat...

yes, its quite noisy around here most of the day.

So a lot of times the silence is welcomed...

then it's feared..

(what are the kids getting into now?!)

it's craved...

and then it's the last thing I want to be experiencing.

When things are quiet in my spirit,

the enemy automatically jumps in and 

starts whispering failures, shortcomings and

insecurities.

But I am realizing,

God wants our spirit to rest too.

We live in a very fast paced,

excessively distracted,

selfish and draining world

that is full of expectations

and demands.

As a mom,

I am constantly distracted.

I am constantly pulled on by something or someone.

I am constantly giving from the time I wake in the morning

until the time my children fall asleep at last night.

For me to find rest for my body is hard enough.

I have made it a goal of mine to intentionally

take a little time out of each day to allow myself 

to rest and to have one day a week where I don't 

let my time revolve around the endless list of things that

need to be done.

But I have never let my spirit completely rest.

I often try to find ways to constantly stay connected 

to Him.

Yet, sometimes, He just wants me to 

fully and wholly rest in Him.

Allow the silence to come in and permeate every

part of me.

Be filled in the quiet even though it

can be uncomfortable and feel distant.

Zephaniah 3:17 says: 

"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

How beautiful is that?!

God is always with us!!

He rejoices over us with gladness and singing!

And He quiets us with His Love.

HE QUIETS US!!!

HE allows the silence to come!

So have joy in the silence.

Let your spirit rest.

Know that this is only a season that too shall pass.

It is preparing you for what is coming.

And be still.

-Amen!!