Oh Little Faith!

I love the story of Jesus walking on the water.  He was going

to meet the disciples and when they saw Him coming, they were

terrified.  They didn't recognize the man that they had spent endless

hours with because of fear!  Then  Peter says, "Lord if it's you then

tell me to come to you on the water." Oh, Peter!  Jesus tells him to come.

So Peter gets out of the boat and walks towards Jesus but when he 

sees the wind he panics and starts to sink.  He cries out "Jesus 

save me." and Jesus reaches out His hand and catches him.

Don't we all do this at times?

We tell God, "Lord, just let me do this, let me do that,

let me step into this, I am ready for that."

Then, when His perfect timing comes and we do enter into

what we have been waiting for, we often times become

fearful, we panic, we doubt.

We, as Jesus says, are of "little faith".

Today was a prime example of that for me.

My children are out on Spring Break and I love to do

things as a group with other friends and their kids but 

absolutely nothing worked out and I was extremely 

discouraged.  My kids were going stir crazy after three

days of rain and then using yesterday as a cleaning day,

it was time to get out of the house!!  

We went to our appointments this morning and when we 

were done we drove around aimlessly for about 15 minutes.

I knew if I just brought them back home that they would go

bonkers and it would be a "survive til bedtime" kind of day

and that was the last thing I wanted to do.  So we pulled in a 

parking lot and I shut the car off and I said, "We are going to 

sit here for a minute and pray and ask God to give us direction

and wisdom as to what we are to do today."  First, Kaleb prayed,

then Adia, then Kase and I was last.  When we got done 

praying Adia says, "Mom, did God tell you what we are 

suppose to do today?!"  Hahaha.  Unfortunately no, not at that 

point.  

I am just going to be completely transparent for a minute.

I love doing things with my kids but I do not like doing things

that I have no idea how its going to turn out.  I don't like doing

new things by myself or without my husband where the outcome

of what will happen and how the kids are going to behave and

respond is not obvious.  I tend to like the control and expectancy of 

what's to come...for many reasons.  But on the flip side, this is not

how I want to live my life or how I want my children to live theirs

either.

So we came home, ate lunch, grabbed jackets and left the house

once again.  

And am I so glad that we did!!!

We had an amazing afternoon together!!!  I braved taking them 

somewhere we had been before but never alone by myself! 

And we even went to a new place and tried out a new 

adventure that all four of us loved!!  

After I got home this evening, my husband sent me the sweetest

text:

"I'm glad you just went for it and took them places. Awesome

mother."

I cannot tell you what that meant to me.

Isn't that how it is with God?  He is just standing there waiting 

for us to take that step out towards Him, waiting for us to let

our strength and hope rest completely in Him.  And in doing that

comes peace to confront whatever may be lying before us. 

And at the end of it all we will get to hear, 

"Well done good and faithful servant!"

Amen!!!

Where's the hope in Hope?-When it's hard to praise Him in the storm.

Where's the hope in hope?!

Over the past 100 years, there has been a decline in hope,

actually a steady decline since 1900 with it's deepest impact

being from 1980-2000.

If you just look around at the state of our country, society,

churches, and homes it would be easy to say that there is 

absolutely no hope for this place.  Often times I hear people say

"Oh, America is going to hell in a hand basket."  This infuriates me!!

I hate it when people have lost all hope and then continue to 

spew their own hopelessness into an already dire situation.  Do we 

not realize that death and life are in the power of the tongue??

Proverbs 18:22

I have gone through much in life that has given me moments of

hopelessness or as I was younger, moments that completely 

stole all hope I had.  

In less than a five year span of time, my husband and I lost three 

people close to us very suddenly and very tragically. In this world, 

tragedy surrounds us or that has been the case for us.  But when the

last of these three deaths occurred, something changed in me. I was 

hurt, yes.  I wept, yes. But I yielded myself to the Lord thru this. I 

gave myself to Him and asked for Him to please help me search 

myself and give me peace through this.

He woke me up at 2 a.m. one morning and led me over the next

day and a half to just listen and dig into His Word.  The one thing that 

had remained in all of this is the word hope.  I was amazed when I 

looked up the word and saw such a decline in the use of it.  

It was actually heartbreaking.

*The definition of hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a

certain thing to happen.

*The biblical definition of hope is a strong and confident expectation.

(I like that one!!)

*Other words for hope are: utopia, castles in the air, day dream, 

dependence, fools paradise, fortune, greedy glutton, pipe dream,

thing with feathers and wish.

It is easy to see how our society and culture has lost all belief in

hope when they have resolved it to such words as these. 

When I was a teenager, 18, I remember telling a close loved one

that I didn't want to date anyone.  (My dad didn't let us "date" until

we were 18) That I believed if I waited, prayed and was patient 

that God would bring along just the right man at just the right time. I 

will never forget them telling me, "Ashleigh, you're living a fairy tale. 

That's never going to happen."  

In that moment they destroyed all of the ambition, anticipation, aspiration,

belief, confidence, desire, expectancy, faith and promise that God 

would do just that which I had been putting my hope in Him to do.

I would love to say that my "fairy tale" happened the way I was 

hoping for but it did not.  I chose to let God go for a season because

I did not truly understand the depth of His love for me and felt like 

I couldn't be what I had been told I was suppose to be for Him to 

love me.  I did not have a healthy identity in Him at that point in my life.

I gave up on hope.   

More on that at a later time.

The one thing that I have learned through all of this and that has been

so engraved on my heart is this:

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God 

through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we also we have access 

by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the

glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations,

knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance,

character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint,

because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy

Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1-5

HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!!!!!

I now know that its okay to grieve and be broken during heartache 

and tribulations but always remember that our hope in Him will never 

disappoint us. His will be the victory over life and death; tragedy and 

circumstance! 

Amen!!!

Hope does not disappoint!!!!

New Beginnings

I love new beginnings.  Change not so much.  The two seem to go hand

in hand yet I am torn with this love/hate relationship with each one.

So here is to new!!

Here is to the smell of refreshing rain!

Here is to spring and planting!

And that is what I hope to do here.

I love to hear from God.  I love when revelation is poured out-even

if it is the most simplest word.  I also LOVE encouraging people.

I want people to truly understand how wonderfully made they are

and how God has such a magnificent plan for each of us!

So join me on this new journey of being vulnerable with you

and continually sensitive to the Holy Spirit as I pour out the little pearls

of revelation and wisdom that I hear and learn through this walk of 

life as a 

wife, 

mother,

sister,

daughter,

and friend!

I am so excited for this new chapter in life!!! 

Come with me!!!

The Value of a Life

Who determines the value of a life?
You?
Your mother?
Your father?
Your friends?
Your enemies?
Who has the ultimate say on whether your life is worth living??
What about if it's worth dying for?

I am in a place where there has been quite a bit of change in my life.  I made a choice to
lay down my job as a preschool teacher to be able to be home full time with my son.
This was a very painful decision for me because I LOVED my job....but I love my son
more.

I honestly am enjoying the peace that has come during this transition.  No, things haven't
been easy peasy but they are a little more calm.  Still in all of this, I have at moments felt
like a failure---like I failed myself or my child in some way.  And I have also had moments
of disheartening reality.  Is this all I am ever going to be?  Will I ever have a job that will
help contribute to our family financially?  Am I always going to be a stay at home mom?
It's made me deeply question who I am and what value do I have.

I have always had a deep rooted desire to be a difference maker.  As I child I had two
solid beliefs- 1.) That I would live to be 100 years old.  and 2.) That I was going to make
history one day.  Little did I know that yes, one day, I would be a part of His-story but
that everything in "life" would challenge those two beliefs.

I am not confused about my identity.  I know who I am.  And I know who I am in Him.
And as I get older, I become more and more comfortable in my own skin.  I love being
home with my son; homeschooling him for this season.  I love being a mom.  I eagerly
look forward to being fully available to all three of my children next school year as they
each go off to full day school and I get this much anticipated season of rest.

But I am at that point that I'm sure we all tend to get to---where from the depth's of our
soul we are crying out, "God, when???"

I am quickly reminded of Esther and how she had to go through a year long process
before she could even go before the King.

When the wait is overwhelming, we must continue to trust and wait some more.

We live in such a fast paced, instantly gratifying society that we are too impatient to
go through the process of purifying that it takes for us to step into the perfectly laid
purpose that He has set out before us.

I don't want to fast forward and not have what it takes to walk this out with boldness,
humility and grace.

Day after day I will continue to hold on to His promise-
"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord'
Psalms 27:14

I know at just the right time, in just the right season that the next facet of my beautifully
laid purpose will unfold right before me!